I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Two words: nipple clamps
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