i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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