you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
