there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
