I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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