awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
