So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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