well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
