Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
