Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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