how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
