My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
