So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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