If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
