I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
