Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
