just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
