FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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