this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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