VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
