Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need water and some morals
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
