Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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