Sry I called you an 8
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
