Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
