Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She said her name was "party"
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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