Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
