I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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