I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
