Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
