I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
