He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
