like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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