It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
