I can text with my tongue
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
