She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
