I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
