So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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