walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize