Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
