I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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