I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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