I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
