I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
