the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Holy sore nipples Batman
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
