We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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