Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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