But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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