Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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