Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
