Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
