i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He better not be in your backpack
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
