I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just pee around me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
