Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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