definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
