We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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