I'm so fucking centered right now
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
