I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
