I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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