he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
