I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize