Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
