The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
