I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize