its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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