"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
