Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
