I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
