I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
