Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
