my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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