What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
