my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
