David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
