It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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