If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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