Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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