Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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