Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
