ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
