I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Someone signed my nipple.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
