We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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