Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
