If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
