The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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