JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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