That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
